Ready to face it

I guess I am ready now to write about the 10 signs you are in an emotionally abusive relationship. To tell you the truth, after the first shock I received while reading this list. I thought like twice in it. The days after I read it where a little bit confusing but afterwards I am in a stage of acceptance. I will lie to you if a say that having 8 out of 10 of these signs is something I’m accepting. For me is  kind of scary. But what amazes me more is that I had no realized until now. Well, people say that the person who is involve in this kind of relationship is the last one to notice. I am starting to believe it.

Well, for now I am going to leave this number out of my way. The importance is that I recognized these 8 and I am willing to express myself about them.

The first sign is: isolates you – Emotionally abusive partner want all to themselves. This is true. In my case, my ex wanted me to be home all the time. He didn’t understand why I have a close relationship with my mom and sister. He wanted for me to be home even if he was not paying attention to me. He wanted for me to be there, period. I can’t go out with friends at night and if for some reason I did, he will be calling every hour to find out when I was coming home. These calls were always accompanied by screams and insults. If I go visit my parents, the same thing will happen. Even if I was out with our sons, he will call. This things will also happened if I was with him at some place. He wanted all my attention for him. If I was having a nice time, he will start complaining and asked me to go home.

The second one is: verbally abusive. Very true. He used to call me dumb, moron, and fat among other things that I think I have hidden in my sub conscious. He used to make fun of my boobs and told me horrible things about them. But it was the fat one that he used more. After I gave birth to my first son, only some days had passed when he started to call me fat. He always called me fat. He wanted me to be like a model.

Blame others is the third sign. True, he basically all the time never admits to being at fault or took responsibility of things even it these things were his. Most of the time he blamed me about decisions we took together that didn’t came out well.

Number 4 is: Alcohol and drug use. This is so true. He didn’t used alcohol but he used marijuana like hell.He started using it when we where teens and continued until the day I told him to leave. He used all days. He will smoke it practically like four or five time in a day. You know, he has an autoimmune disease and the pot helps him. I know it helped but this becomes more like an excuse. The worst part was that I used that excuse too!!! He was stoned must of the time and not forget the smell on the room and in his mouth. Augh!!

Punishes you for time away, is number 5 – This goes along with the isolation, he wanted me all to himself. As I said before, he will call me every hour and insult me.Can you imagine, you were having fun with family or friends and every hour or half hour a phone call full of insults came to your phone? And when I got home, it was awful, more screams, door slamming, and more insults. The reason, just to make me feel bad, inferior and to blame me for whatever because I wasn’t home.

Number 6 is expects you to be a servant. I had to think this one thru. At first I didn’t believe I was treated as a servant but then it hits me. I always serve him the food we eat. Always, even if we weren’t home. He mostly never serve me anything, not even a Coke. You know, If I was out doing some errands he will wait for me to eat breakfast (even if it was 4:00pm). He will said to me: “I did not have breakfast” as it was my fault. Not to mention cleaning the house, I did all the chores. In my 20 something relationship he helped like 5 times. He only did the lawn. So, yes, I was treated as a servant.

Is extremely jealous will be number 7. This one is so true. He was jealous of everybody even of my sons. He used to ask me who I loved more my sons or him. He was even jealous of a boyfriend I had when I was like 12 years old!

The eight is control you through emotions – This one, I guess, is part of the others. He was always trying to control me, trying to make me feel guilty, trying to blame me of his faults.

The only two signs that I think weren’t present in my relationships are: instills fear and gets physical. I never felt fear being around him (that I recall). I was naive. I felt love.

With relation to gets physical… Well sometimes he slam the door really hard, broke things and even threw down the Christmas tree once. I guess there is something physical there but he never hit me.

Here you have it, my eight signs I was in an emotionally abusive relationship.

Did you recognized also some of these signs? Maybe you are like me and needed someone to point it out.

Tell me, I want to know you story.We can get through this together.

Take care, T.